Primer

So, I'm really trying to follow "procedure" with this whole painting thing (or mostly)...not something I'm really known for or quite frankly good at doing. I seldom complete any task or activity the way it's supposed to be done, often out of shear obstinance, annoyed that something is "supposed" to be done a certain way. In other words, I'm stubborn. When I cook or bake, I take at least 3 recipes and combine them and then add my own stuff too...it doesn't always exactly work out of course but that's not the point and it's okay because I was just experimenting. Training schedules...what are those? If I don't PR or improve, that's okay because well, I just do this for fun anyway.

See, if you caught it, the bigger problem is deep down I'm afraid. I'm afraid that even if I do follow "the way" I'll mess it up and it won't look or be as good as my imagination or your imagination or anyone else's imagination. The internal critics start to nag and nag and nag and even though not a single soul has breathed a real word to me I've created a whole new "American Idol Judge Panel" whose level of judgment is off the charts. And then paralysis. By the end of all of this mental warfare, I'm so tired that nothing gets done and I'd rather go and take a nap or eat that entire container of frosting or go find something else with which to busy myself, I'm a very busy woman.

So, for this project, I'm working on baby steps and following steps--a sort of zen or T'ai Chi style mediation: Do step 1. Followed by breathe. Do step 2. Breathe. Fix step 1. Breathe. Repeat step 2. Breathe. Step 3...and so on, all of it being okay and just as it is meant to be. When the Simon Cowells pop up to tell me it's not good enough or that so and so won't like it, I breathe and say "maybe."

The walls are primed (or mostly).